last weekend I ventured up to the great state of Ohio to what many consider to be the mecca of all bodybuilding shows and expos: The Arnold Classic...this was my fifth trip but my first in three years....I'll write more later about the trip itself and the people involved (including George!) but for now I want to focus on the feelings it stirred up in me and how I still have that urge...
that urge to compete...
I know I will not be satisfied until I step onto that stage once more....at least once more....it is a feeling unlike any other...and it is a process unlike any other....but that process is still something I am struggling with...there is a great mental and emotional block occurring that I am not quite getting past...and I'm not 100% sure how to just yet....but I know that it's just that: mental....
my reliance over the years on food as my drug of choice has only worsened...the binges and the occasional purges have not stopped....they did once as I traded the food for alcohol but it wasn't the same...so back to food I went...when some personal issues calmed down it did get better and I thought I was ready to embark on this venture....and maybe I was...but I was not ready to be paired up with someone I thought was a good match only for them to not be...and this disappointment was difficult....coupled with disappointment in other areas and well, it was the recipe for a downward spiral I had not experienced in a while....
but here we are now and I find myself paired up with a great trainer...but just when I'm making strides something will happen to throw me off...in one case it was my own physical self....instead of letting it pass I handled it all kinds of incorrectly and then the emotional set in....ok, enough of that, I'm thinking....so I get back on it....only to suffer another setback...this time it was all me...so what exactly is holding me back?
fear? possibly....hard to top what I did in 07....hitting a national stage and not getting a first callout would be devastating...and that's exactly what I would face with a category change..."oh but do it for the personal challenge" I hear some of you saying...listen, that's all fine and good but I do not spend my hard earned money for the "challenge"...I want to place....I want a trophy...I want my time in the sun...I'm too competitive to be content with, "better than last time"....now yes, I do understand that I cannot control what a judge may or may not like or look for from week to week...but just b/c I understand it doesn't mean I have to accept it and like it!
priorities? well, yes and no...some things definitely have changed....while I don't like my job I DO like the location a gazillion times more than I did when I first competed in 2005 and into 2007...anything to help me escape my hometown and my job and that loser fuck ex was very much welcomed in my world! but having almost lost my mom, moving to a place I actually don't mind living in, and I guess just getting older changed some of that drive...not all of it...but definitely enough to notice...
but it's not taking away that urge....
that urge I know is fueled by my love of the spotlight....I have never been one to steal it from others or to force it on me but I do make sure that if I'm in it that you'll not forget about it...I am a born performer with one of the worst set of emotions around...
plus let's face it....I have boobs now! who doesn't want to see this body leaned out with these twins sitting on top?!? I know I wanna see it! now don't lie, you were thinking the same thing...even if for a second...hehehehe...it's ok...you're human :)
but I think the thing that's fueled the urge more than anything is just that feeling of being "wanted" and "needed"....while it still humbles me and blows my mind to be recognized as I walk around the expo, especially having not competed in five years, it's comments like those made by one photographer that let me know there truly is a place in this niche world for me....he simply said, we miss you
I miss you, too....I miss you, too....
PEEPS PEEKING
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
it all begins....again....
no really....again
tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life....
overdramatic? you betcha! hahahaha...but who cares! you get it...I am now feeling more jazzed to once again take on this endeavor of competing...so what all will I have in store for 2012? well, I have it figured out to June anyway...
currently I am aiming for:
April (date still unknown-maybe the 28th?): Charlotte Cup
May 19th: JR USA's
June 16th: JR Nationals
after that I do not know! but my first stop will no doubt be the Arnold...I have not gone since 2009 when I went with my girl Kristen...now THAT was a trip! matter of fact, let's post a pic to remember that awesome time:
tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life....
overdramatic? you betcha! hahahaha...but who cares! you get it...I am now feeling more jazzed to once again take on this endeavor of competing...so what all will I have in store for 2012? well, I have it figured out to June anyway...
currently I am aiming for:
April (date still unknown-maybe the 28th?): Charlotte Cup
May 19th: JR USA's
June 16th: JR Nationals
after that I do not know! but my first stop will no doubt be the Arnold...I have not gone since 2009 when I went with my girl Kristen...now THAT was a trip! matter of fact, let's post a pic to remember that awesome time:
Me, Athena, Kristen
now, it's going to be an uphill battle....it usually is with me but this time is different...I've lost quite a bit both in strength and size from time off due to the surgery and not taking my training seriously enough leading up to that date....this will also mark my first show in five years...I went through a prep in 09 thinking I was going to compete only to totally lose my shit and stop at 8wks out...looking back on that I just was not emotionally ready nor was I feeling the support from various sources like I had in the past...
that support is different this time around...I fully believe in my coach, PJ Braun, to be the correct fit for my needs and my personality...I have a sponsor lined up for the first time (as in an actual sponsor, not well here's some sample supplements, tell your friends) courtesy of Xpert Nutrition in Durham....Kevin is AWEEEEESSOOMMMMMEEEEEEEE....he fully supports this lifestyle and this endeavor and I will do all I can to rep him in the best way possible! trust me, there will be more blogs, tweets, and possibly even youtube footage on this!
I also have the twins...which means A LOT....recovery has been on track and I think they will help in my finished look once it's show time...but more importantly, they just make me feel "normal"....
I'm working on finding other sponsors...I'll keep knocking on doors until I find someone! even if it's something as simple as a jug of protein powder....anyone who has ever done this knows that it takes a lot physically and mentally but it takes even more from your wallet....but the enjoyment of hitting that stage in the most awesome shape ever? there is no price tag on that...
Monday, November 7, 2011
the fluffy blues
http://zenlizzie.com/2011/11/07/being-stuck-and-getting-unstuck-a-work-in-progress/
I read this blog post that my good friend Karen posted today...and it perfectly summed up what I am feeling right now...
for those that have known me for a while (well, even a short while) they know that I definitely suffer from my ups and downs...I know what I need to do, what I should do...but I tend to allow myself to fall into the same ruts over and over...so I read this this morning and immediately felt a connection to what the author wrote...
I appear to be suffering from life block...and gym block!
how silly is this: I have been out of the gym so long now that I not only have gotten into the "fluffy blues" but I have also gotten into what I am calling gym block...it's like I have a hard time getting myself to go to the gym...one excuse that keeps bouncing around in my head is, "well, I hate going to the gym to just do cardio when I haven't been cleared to lift yet"....well that is bunk....why? b/c I was doing that this summer! it's what I felt like would handle the stress best and so that's what I was doing....so throw that excuse out of the window....next excuse? I feel almost a sense of embarrassment...silly? yes...but more valid than my other excuse...being gone for so long I almost feel embarrassed by it and for some strange reason don't feel like showing my face there....like they know! or care for that matter....
so what's one to do?
bite the bullet! I mean, really, hello! get over yourself here...duh! I know once I make that first step towards getting back into it I will feel so much better and will once again feel that "addiction" to taking care of myself and caring about what I consume and do each and every day...
time to be selfish again....in the best way I can be....
besides, I need to make this shirt true :)
I read this blog post that my good friend Karen posted today...and it perfectly summed up what I am feeling right now...
for those that have known me for a while (well, even a short while) they know that I definitely suffer from my ups and downs...I know what I need to do, what I should do...but I tend to allow myself to fall into the same ruts over and over...so I read this this morning and immediately felt a connection to what the author wrote...
I appear to be suffering from life block...and gym block!
how silly is this: I have been out of the gym so long now that I not only have gotten into the "fluffy blues" but I have also gotten into what I am calling gym block...it's like I have a hard time getting myself to go to the gym...one excuse that keeps bouncing around in my head is, "well, I hate going to the gym to just do cardio when I haven't been cleared to lift yet"....well that is bunk....why? b/c I was doing that this summer! it's what I felt like would handle the stress best and so that's what I was doing....so throw that excuse out of the window....next excuse? I feel almost a sense of embarrassment...silly? yes...but more valid than my other excuse...being gone for so long I almost feel embarrassed by it and for some strange reason don't feel like showing my face there....like they know! or care for that matter....
so what's one to do?
bite the bullet! I mean, really, hello! get over yourself here...duh! I know once I make that first step towards getting back into it I will feel so much better and will once again feel that "addiction" to taking care of myself and caring about what I consume and do each and every day...
time to be selfish again....in the best way I can be....
besides, I need to make this shirt true :)
Friday, October 28, 2011
wow, what are these things on my chest?
well, here we are, 11 days out from having had my breast augmentation and lift....it's been an interesting week and a half that's for damn sure....let's see if I can break it down some:
day 1:
hahaha yep! that is me right after surgery! mom took that with her phone...do I look high or what! and well, I was! :D I remember going into the room and being on the table...I was allowed to take George with me and when I came to he was in my hand :) I had a UNC med school resident scrubbing in on the surgery so I already knew I was going to be fine (go heels)...
so mom and I get back to the hotel and I prop myself up on the pillows and turn on the tv...now I know I was out of it b/c I actually stopped on the Kardashian wedding and was watching it....as soon as I realized what it was I changed the channel! I tweeted, I texted, you know, my usual...I eventually fell asleep and woke up thinking, holy hell where are my pain meds! I was fine in terms of nausea until about 5:30am...I did get up and get sick but fortunately it was just that once...
next day I am set to go in to see the doc for a follow up....he was busy with a face lift (that's what they had said) so I saw his partner in the practice...he thought things looked fine but they wanted me to come back the next day so my doc could see me since I was staying another night....so I go back, have some grub, and proceed to think that my left armpit was going to be sliced open any minute...gross I know...but the compression band I had to wear was literally cutting into my pits...it hurt more than where I had been operated on! this was a major source of pain and discomfort for the next 24hrs...
so Wednesday I go back in....we had had breakfast (I had grits!) and checked out of the hotel but the whole morning I just didn't feel well....I even fell asleep in the waiting area and in the room waiting for the doctor...he came in, thought things looked good, and loosened that band....matter of fact the first thing he said was, oh this doesn't need to be this tight...now I had never touched it from when they put it on after the surgery so I had no idea...he actually took it off to examine the work and it was like a magical fairy had come by! I felt instantly better! that and I had had some coffee that they brew there that is some AWESOME stuff...it was some sort of a vanilla/hazelnut blend...major yum
so after all of that excitement we drive back up to raleigh (surgery was in charlotte) and I'm home again...I was happy to see lil man again :) Susan did an awesome job looking after him and she said he behaved for her but that he missed me...awwww...Wed was pretty much uneventful and I took my meds and went to bed....Thurs was much the same...
Friday rolls around and mom goes to work and goes home this time...it was nice to have her here but it was also nice to get back to being here on my own...but that night I had some major issues...not really pain but more like discomfort....my back hurt, my right side hurt (that's the side that had the lift), and it was like the implants had turned into two bowling balls full of pain (and weight!)....I was miserable! so on Fri and Sat I found myself walking around the apt wondering what the hell I had just done to myself...I'm thinking, well genius, you wanted it, now you got it!
Sunday was much better...things were settling down a little bit and I was starting to not use any pain meds...soon I switched from the pain meds completely to just taking some tylenol pm at night...getting off the pain meds proved to be the best thing for me mentally b/c it was really screwing with my head....
Tuesday I took this:
cute bra, huh? ;) tape was still on but so much of the swelling had subsided by this point....still had some sloshing though...and OMG my right one sloshed a little bit and sounded like a duck! no really! my boob QUACKED! HAHAHAHAHA
now Tues I ventured out for the first time and man was it a learning experience...for one thing, shifting gears is quite an undertaking when your right side is still having some tugging and small soreness....more on that later....who knew steering the car would involve so much pec recruitment! same with washing my hands, brushing my teeth, and opening pill bottles...I definitely use my pecs for a lot!
Wednesday I went back for another post-op visit...driving down there was interesting in that I realized just how bumpy our roads are...yeah 'bout that...I get down there, get my tape removed, instructions for the next two weeks, make my next appointment, and get in the car to leave...where I have to put my car into reverse for the first time...that hurt like a bitch....I might as well have just been doing a bench press move with a dumbbell....not smart....so I met mom at the mebane outlets since we'd both be passing them on the way to our respective homes and I tried on some sports bras....still some difficulty doing overhead shirts/bras so that was a little exhausting but I was ok....then I went to another store....I was walking around and all of a sudden I had the worst shooting pain on my right side....so bad that I gave mom what I had in my hand to put up for me and went outside to sit down...every breath I took it felt worse until finally it started to fade and then eventually stopped...my guess was that reverse and then the trying on tops was just too much for the side with the extra work and it decided to let me know...
so far the two days after that have been just fine...they still feel foreign...what is this weight on my chest? oh, right, boobs! I've had moments where I literally felt like I could feel the pockets being made while I sat in the chair...not comfortable that's for sure...all in all this has been unlike anything I have ever experienced...and to be honest, I'm not sure what I was expecting...I do know that I do not play helpless well so this no lifting over 10lbs needs to go and go fast! it's annoying....and I find that I do things now like squat down to pick something up instead of just bending over...why? b/c when I bend over I feel like they're going to fall off....hahahaha...well, I do!
I will be going back to work soon and that has me nervous...having a mostly physical job is going to be a strange transition b/c there are still quite a few things I can't do yet...which will drive me up the wall b/c when I go to work I do not go to be lazy or to have others do the work for me...but I know if I want to continue to heal properly I'll have to suck it up for a couple of more weeks....
on a funnier note, I can't stop looking at them! every time I go by a mirror in my apt I have to look at them...like I can't believe they're actually here....I had my first consultation in 2003...been wanting them since I was 14 (which was definitely not 2003)...and now here I actually am with them! I simply cannot believe it has actually happened...and even though I wake up with them every morning and go to sleep with them every night I still cannot believe the reality...while the experience has been unlike anything I had imagined I would do it all again in a second....
hahaha yep! that is me right after surgery! mom took that with her phone...do I look high or what! and well, I was! :D I remember going into the room and being on the table...I was allowed to take George with me and when I came to he was in my hand :) I had a UNC med school resident scrubbing in on the surgery so I already knew I was going to be fine (go heels)...
so mom and I get back to the hotel and I prop myself up on the pillows and turn on the tv...now I know I was out of it b/c I actually stopped on the Kardashian wedding and was watching it....as soon as I realized what it was I changed the channel! I tweeted, I texted, you know, my usual...I eventually fell asleep and woke up thinking, holy hell where are my pain meds! I was fine in terms of nausea until about 5:30am...I did get up and get sick but fortunately it was just that once...
next day I am set to go in to see the doc for a follow up....he was busy with a face lift (that's what they had said) so I saw his partner in the practice...he thought things looked fine but they wanted me to come back the next day so my doc could see me since I was staying another night....so I go back, have some grub, and proceed to think that my left armpit was going to be sliced open any minute...gross I know...but the compression band I had to wear was literally cutting into my pits...it hurt more than where I had been operated on! this was a major source of pain and discomfort for the next 24hrs...
so Wednesday I go back in....we had had breakfast (I had grits!) and checked out of the hotel but the whole morning I just didn't feel well....I even fell asleep in the waiting area and in the room waiting for the doctor...he came in, thought things looked good, and loosened that band....matter of fact the first thing he said was, oh this doesn't need to be this tight...now I had never touched it from when they put it on after the surgery so I had no idea...he actually took it off to examine the work and it was like a magical fairy had come by! I felt instantly better! that and I had had some coffee that they brew there that is some AWESOME stuff...it was some sort of a vanilla/hazelnut blend...major yum
so after all of that excitement we drive back up to raleigh (surgery was in charlotte) and I'm home again...I was happy to see lil man again :) Susan did an awesome job looking after him and she said he behaved for her but that he missed me...awwww...Wed was pretty much uneventful and I took my meds and went to bed....Thurs was much the same...
Friday rolls around and mom goes to work and goes home this time...it was nice to have her here but it was also nice to get back to being here on my own...but that night I had some major issues...not really pain but more like discomfort....my back hurt, my right side hurt (that's the side that had the lift), and it was like the implants had turned into two bowling balls full of pain (and weight!)....I was miserable! so on Fri and Sat I found myself walking around the apt wondering what the hell I had just done to myself...I'm thinking, well genius, you wanted it, now you got it!
Sunday was much better...things were settling down a little bit and I was starting to not use any pain meds...soon I switched from the pain meds completely to just taking some tylenol pm at night...getting off the pain meds proved to be the best thing for me mentally b/c it was really screwing with my head....
cute bra, huh? ;) tape was still on but so much of the swelling had subsided by this point....still had some sloshing though...and OMG my right one sloshed a little bit and sounded like a duck! no really! my boob QUACKED! HAHAHAHAHA
now Tues I ventured out for the first time and man was it a learning experience...for one thing, shifting gears is quite an undertaking when your right side is still having some tugging and small soreness....more on that later....who knew steering the car would involve so much pec recruitment! same with washing my hands, brushing my teeth, and opening pill bottles...I definitely use my pecs for a lot!
Wednesday I went back for another post-op visit...driving down there was interesting in that I realized just how bumpy our roads are...yeah 'bout that...I get down there, get my tape removed, instructions for the next two weeks, make my next appointment, and get in the car to leave...where I have to put my car into reverse for the first time...that hurt like a bitch....I might as well have just been doing a bench press move with a dumbbell....not smart....so I met mom at the mebane outlets since we'd both be passing them on the way to our respective homes and I tried on some sports bras....still some difficulty doing overhead shirts/bras so that was a little exhausting but I was ok....then I went to another store....I was walking around and all of a sudden I had the worst shooting pain on my right side....so bad that I gave mom what I had in my hand to put up for me and went outside to sit down...every breath I took it felt worse until finally it started to fade and then eventually stopped...my guess was that reverse and then the trying on tops was just too much for the side with the extra work and it decided to let me know...
so far the two days after that have been just fine...they still feel foreign...what is this weight on my chest? oh, right, boobs! I've had moments where I literally felt like I could feel the pockets being made while I sat in the chair...not comfortable that's for sure...all in all this has been unlike anything I have ever experienced...and to be honest, I'm not sure what I was expecting...I do know that I do not play helpless well so this no lifting over 10lbs needs to go and go fast! it's annoying....and I find that I do things now like squat down to pick something up instead of just bending over...why? b/c when I bend over I feel like they're going to fall off....hahahaha...well, I do!
I will be going back to work soon and that has me nervous...having a mostly physical job is going to be a strange transition b/c there are still quite a few things I can't do yet...which will drive me up the wall b/c when I go to work I do not go to be lazy or to have others do the work for me...but I know if I want to continue to heal properly I'll have to suck it up for a couple of more weeks....
on a funnier note, I can't stop looking at them! every time I go by a mirror in my apt I have to look at them...like I can't believe they're actually here....I had my first consultation in 2003...been wanting them since I was 14 (which was definitely not 2003)...and now here I actually am with them! I simply cannot believe it has actually happened...and even though I wake up with them every morning and go to sleep with them every night I still cannot believe the reality...while the experience has been unlike anything I had imagined I would do it all again in a second....
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
13 days and counting....
well, with it now past 11:30pm you could really make a case for it being 12 days....but I think that's just splitting hairs ;)
so what are my current thoughts? let's start with the number one question I have been asked over the past week:
are you excited???
answer: well, not really!
why? my coworker Steph C put it best when she said, it's something you've waited so long for that it doesn't seem real yet....all I could say was YES!!!! that's exactly it!
just b/c I'm not excited right now does not mean I'm actually not excited...it simply means the reality of it has not totally sunk in yet...I had my first consult eight years ago and I've been trying to make this happen ever since....when you want something like that for so long you have a tendency to not see it as reality even though you know it's literally around the corner....and at this point I'm convinced I will not see it as reality until I'm literally about it be put under....
the second most asked question would definitely be:
are you nervous?
no...now, part of this is b/c I know any nervousness at this point would be wasted energy....it's going to happen, but not for another 12 days....I have my room booked, I have my mom and best friend lined up to help me out those first few days....a very kind coworker is going to look after lil man the day of....so what's to worry about at this point? now, have I had a couple of moments? oh yeah! but I feel like it wouldn't be "normal" if I didn't...I have had those moments of, what if this is a mistake? what if something goes wrong? what if I don't like it? what if they look worse? all of which I think are valid questions....but nothing I can answer just yet...and nothing I can really address until it's a problem....if it's even a problem at all....
now coworker response has been funny....obviously people are curious....I would be, too....funny how it always seems to be me who is the one on an outback staff who is going through a transformation for the whole staff to witness....granted, that was usually in the form of competing and that look was always fleeting....this is, um, a little more drastic....and lasting....hehehehe....the guys, well, they're guys! they are most definitely looking forward to this....a lot of the females have actually been supportive and ultra curious....I think the support is partly b/c they know this is something I've been working hard towards and have always had a great issue with...they know I am really looking at gaining a sense of normalcy with them and not to gain a role in a porn movie....ok that was a slightly overinflated description but you get what I'm saying...now is there some trash talking about it? oh I bet there is....but who gives a fuck! it's my chest, deal with it...and if I have my way about it I'll be able to phase myself out of there this next year as I aim towards my goals of training people and designing diets plans....who knows, maybe I'll get to move, too...I mean MOVE....away....A-WAY....I mean, born and raised NC....love this state but um, I think it's time I got out to see what else is out there....I can always come back :)
so what are my current thoughts? let's start with the number one question I have been asked over the past week:
are you excited???
answer: well, not really!
why? my coworker Steph C put it best when she said, it's something you've waited so long for that it doesn't seem real yet....all I could say was YES!!!! that's exactly it!
just b/c I'm not excited right now does not mean I'm actually not excited...it simply means the reality of it has not totally sunk in yet...I had my first consult eight years ago and I've been trying to make this happen ever since....when you want something like that for so long you have a tendency to not see it as reality even though you know it's literally around the corner....and at this point I'm convinced I will not see it as reality until I'm literally about it be put under....
the second most asked question would definitely be:
are you nervous?
no...now, part of this is b/c I know any nervousness at this point would be wasted energy....it's going to happen, but not for another 12 days....I have my room booked, I have my mom and best friend lined up to help me out those first few days....a very kind coworker is going to look after lil man the day of....so what's to worry about at this point? now, have I had a couple of moments? oh yeah! but I feel like it wouldn't be "normal" if I didn't...I have had those moments of, what if this is a mistake? what if something goes wrong? what if I don't like it? what if they look worse? all of which I think are valid questions....but nothing I can answer just yet...and nothing I can really address until it's a problem....if it's even a problem at all....
now coworker response has been funny....obviously people are curious....I would be, too....funny how it always seems to be me who is the one on an outback staff who is going through a transformation for the whole staff to witness....granted, that was usually in the form of competing and that look was always fleeting....this is, um, a little more drastic....and lasting....hehehehe....the guys, well, they're guys! they are most definitely looking forward to this....a lot of the females have actually been supportive and ultra curious....I think the support is partly b/c they know this is something I've been working hard towards and have always had a great issue with...they know I am really looking at gaining a sense of normalcy with them and not to gain a role in a porn movie....ok that was a slightly overinflated description but you get what I'm saying...now is there some trash talking about it? oh I bet there is....but who gives a fuck! it's my chest, deal with it...and if I have my way about it I'll be able to phase myself out of there this next year as I aim towards my goals of training people and designing diets plans....who knows, maybe I'll get to move, too...I mean MOVE....away....A-WAY....I mean, born and raised NC....love this state but um, I think it's time I got out to see what else is out there....I can always come back :)
Friday, September 2, 2011
you are what you take....
not just what you eat! I do take supplements....some people don't "believe" in them (I put that in quotations b/c let's face it, we're not talking about santa here) but I have long believed that supplementing with certain products can indeed enhance recovery, nutrition, and overall well-being....
here is my current list of supplements:
seems like a lot but it really isn't....while I could use the Humapro every day I tend to use it for at work only....that way I save it for all those crazy shifts....the Chain'd Out I use post-workout only but I know many who use it several times a day...I used it when recovering from my wreck back in 2009 and it helped tremendously with my muscle soreness...
I don't use the Spirodex every day at the moment but I was when I was in school this summer....going to school, then the gym, then work made for some loooooong days....this stuff gave me a good boost but no jitters....win-win!
All three protein powders are good....free of artificial sweetners....the ON powder is not as "sweet" so sometimes I jazz it up a little with some instant coffee or stevia packets....the hemp protein is awesome b/c it gives my shakes a nutty flavor....so it's like I added peanut butter, but not really....
none of these companies sponsor me....Author and Laina of ALRI have been awesome to me and given me chances to try new products and in return I always wound up buying them! hahahaha....I know some great people that are part of the Gaspari family (Krissy and Troy I'm looking at you!) but again, they don't pay me or give me swag....this is just my honest assessment of products I have found to truly help me out in my lifting and nutrition needs....
I will give a shout out to the companies by listing their twitter accounts:
ALRI: @alrindustries
Gaspari: @TeamGaspari or reach the people behind it directly at- @RichGaspari @LizGaspari
Optimum Nutrition: @Team_Optimum
Nutiva: @Nutiva_Foods
NOW: @NOWFoods
here is my current list of supplements:
- ALRI's Hyperdrive, TX, Poison (alternated with the Hyperdrive), Comatose, Lean Dreams (alternated with the Comatose), Chain'd Out (best BCAA formula out there IMO), and Humapro (excellent for busy shifts at work when I can't eat!)
- Gaspari's Spirodex- this stuff is AWESOME when I need extra oomph to get me through a long day
- Optimum Nutrition's natural whey in chocolate
- NOW's whey protein in vanilla
- Nutiva's hemp protein
seems like a lot but it really isn't....while I could use the Humapro every day I tend to use it for at work only....that way I save it for all those crazy shifts....the Chain'd Out I use post-workout only but I know many who use it several times a day...I used it when recovering from my wreck back in 2009 and it helped tremendously with my muscle soreness...
I don't use the Spirodex every day at the moment but I was when I was in school this summer....going to school, then the gym, then work made for some loooooong days....this stuff gave me a good boost but no jitters....win-win!
All three protein powders are good....free of artificial sweetners....the ON powder is not as "sweet" so sometimes I jazz it up a little with some instant coffee or stevia packets....the hemp protein is awesome b/c it gives my shakes a nutty flavor....so it's like I added peanut butter, but not really....
none of these companies sponsor me....Author and Laina of ALRI have been awesome to me and given me chances to try new products and in return I always wound up buying them! hahahaha....I know some great people that are part of the Gaspari family (Krissy and Troy I'm looking at you!) but again, they don't pay me or give me swag....this is just my honest assessment of products I have found to truly help me out in my lifting and nutrition needs....
I will give a shout out to the companies by listing their twitter accounts:
ALRI: @alrindustries
Gaspari: @TeamGaspari or reach the people behind it directly at- @RichGaspari @LizGaspari
Optimum Nutrition: @Team_Optimum
Nutiva: @Nutiva_Foods
NOW: @NOWFoods
Thursday, September 1, 2011
47 days and counting....
changes they are upon us....and I don't mean the little changes I make only to see fall by the wayside due to bad habits or fucked up brain chemistry....or just me fucking up (hey Jeanette, are you keeping count of my fuck's?) ;)
this is a biggie....one approx 20yrs in the making....
let's backtrack to me as a 14yr old freshman in high school....awkward? sure....who wasn't at that age to some degree....but I was feeling a little optimistic b/c I was starting over in a new school after what can only be described as the worst three years of my life in middle school....constantly teased, called fat, had pranks pulled on, etc....so much torment at school that, combined with new and forever fluctuating hormones of puberty, I got a taste of what I had to come in my now adult life in dealing with depression....it got so bad that at the ripe old age of 13, I had decided I had had enough and tried to end everything....imagine being a parent and having to take your middle schooler to the hospital for a suicide attempt....
but now here I was in a new school, new people to meet, new teachers, and the trek towards academia that would decide where I wanted to go to college....uh, yeah, no pressure! hahahaha...but in these four years I found out more of what I liked, what I was good at, what I was bad at, and that I could dance! took my first classes, became a part of the inaugural dance team, competed in tennis and softball, and was a wrestling manager all four years, including my junior year when we won our high school's first ever state championship in ANY sport....yes, that's right, I was a wrestling manager....see? I always said I had wanted to be Bobby Heenan ;)
well from a physical standpoint, not much had changed....I had gotten a little taller but that was about it....still had huge hips and a big ass....and lopsided boobs....now, I'm sure many women who would read this would go, oh well most women's boobs aren't even! so what! well, it bothered me....A LOT....having two different cup sizes really was not cool....then add to it as I grew up and went through school they didn't change....mom always kinda poo-pooed my self-consciousness about it saying, you'll grow into them, they'll fix themselves, you're not done growing yet, who cares they're just boobs....
well, I cared....
and when my lady doc even told me it wasn't just me that, I did indeed, have breasts that resembled a woman in her 30s/40s who had had a couple of kids and breast fed them, well, that kind of sealed the deal...
so since the age of 14, I have wanted a breast augmentation/reconstruction....now, I know what you're thinking....I'm vain
duh
but I also have never felt "normal"....think about it....how fair is it to be a growing teenager, then young adult, and now young 30s, to have a set that have 1) never matched, and 2) never been perky....some of those perks (all the pun in the world intended!) of being young I never got to have! boooooooooo! well, now as a full fledged consenting adult I am going to change that....
so yesterday I had what was my third consultation with what will soon be my surgeon....now, one plus to this having taken so long is that procedures have come a long ways! including something he learned from a Brazilian doctor that he is now using with rave reviews....had I been able to make this work even just three years ago I wouldn't be able to have this done....
the reality of something being a dream of mine actually taking place has not really hit me yet....even though I've made the appointment....even though I've made a down payment....even though I went on my scheduling for work at put the time off in....none of it seems real....
until I counted the days....THEN it all seemed to be a little more realistic....still not 100% sunk in yet....
I do fully intend on making some videos leading up to it and after the fact....as with either of my blogs I like to put myself out there in an attempt to help others....don't expect nudity....hehehehehe sorry! :-p
so when I titled this blog Reconstructing Diva I meant it very literally!
this is a biggie....one approx 20yrs in the making....
let's backtrack to me as a 14yr old freshman in high school....awkward? sure....who wasn't at that age to some degree....but I was feeling a little optimistic b/c I was starting over in a new school after what can only be described as the worst three years of my life in middle school....constantly teased, called fat, had pranks pulled on, etc....so much torment at school that, combined with new and forever fluctuating hormones of puberty, I got a taste of what I had to come in my now adult life in dealing with depression....it got so bad that at the ripe old age of 13, I had decided I had had enough and tried to end everything....imagine being a parent and having to take your middle schooler to the hospital for a suicide attempt....
but now here I was in a new school, new people to meet, new teachers, and the trek towards academia that would decide where I wanted to go to college....uh, yeah, no pressure! hahahaha...but in these four years I found out more of what I liked, what I was good at, what I was bad at, and that I could dance! took my first classes, became a part of the inaugural dance team, competed in tennis and softball, and was a wrestling manager all four years, including my junior year when we won our high school's first ever state championship in ANY sport....yes, that's right, I was a wrestling manager....see? I always said I had wanted to be Bobby Heenan ;)
well from a physical standpoint, not much had changed....I had gotten a little taller but that was about it....still had huge hips and a big ass....and lopsided boobs....now, I'm sure many women who would read this would go, oh well most women's boobs aren't even! so what! well, it bothered me....A LOT....having two different cup sizes really was not cool....then add to it as I grew up and went through school they didn't change....mom always kinda poo-pooed my self-consciousness about it saying, you'll grow into them, they'll fix themselves, you're not done growing yet, who cares they're just boobs....
well, I cared....
and when my lady doc even told me it wasn't just me that, I did indeed, have breasts that resembled a woman in her 30s/40s who had had a couple of kids and breast fed them, well, that kind of sealed the deal...
so since the age of 14, I have wanted a breast augmentation/reconstruction....now, I know what you're thinking....I'm vain
duh
but I also have never felt "normal"....think about it....how fair is it to be a growing teenager, then young adult, and now young 30s, to have a set that have 1) never matched, and 2) never been perky....some of those perks (all the pun in the world intended!) of being young I never got to have! boooooooooo! well, now as a full fledged consenting adult I am going to change that....
so yesterday I had what was my third consultation with what will soon be my surgeon....now, one plus to this having taken so long is that procedures have come a long ways! including something he learned from a Brazilian doctor that he is now using with rave reviews....had I been able to make this work even just three years ago I wouldn't be able to have this done....
the reality of something being a dream of mine actually taking place has not really hit me yet....even though I've made the appointment....even though I've made a down payment....even though I went on my scheduling for work at put the time off in....none of it seems real....
until I counted the days....THEN it all seemed to be a little more realistic....still not 100% sunk in yet....
I do fully intend on making some videos leading up to it and after the fact....as with either of my blogs I like to put myself out there in an attempt to help others....don't expect nudity....hehehehehe sorry! :-p
so when I titled this blog Reconstructing Diva I meant it very literally!
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