well, here we are, 11 days out from having had my breast augmentation and lift....it's been an interesting week and a half that's for damn sure....let's see if I can break it down some:
day 1:
hahaha yep! that is me right after surgery! mom took that with her phone...do I look high or what! and well, I was! :D I remember going into the room and being on the table...I was allowed to take George with me and when I came to he was in my hand :) I had a UNC med school resident scrubbing in on the surgery so I already knew I was going to be fine (go heels)...
so mom and I get back to the hotel and I prop myself up on the pillows and turn on the tv...now I know I was out of it b/c I actually stopped on the Kardashian wedding and was watching it....as soon as I realized what it was I changed the channel! I tweeted, I texted, you know, my usual...I eventually fell asleep and woke up thinking, holy hell where are my pain meds! I was fine in terms of nausea until about 5:30am...I did get up and get sick but fortunately it was just that once...
next day I am set to go in to see the doc for a follow up....he was busy with a face lift (that's what they had said) so I saw his partner in the practice...he thought things looked fine but they wanted me to come back the next day so my doc could see me since I was staying another night....so I go back, have some grub, and proceed to think that my left armpit was going to be sliced open any minute...gross I know...but the compression band I had to wear was literally cutting into my pits...it hurt more than where I had been operated on! this was a major source of pain and discomfort for the next 24hrs...
so Wednesday I go back in....we had had breakfast (I had grits!) and checked out of the hotel but the whole morning I just didn't feel well....I even fell asleep in the waiting area and in the room waiting for the doctor...he came in, thought things looked good, and loosened that band....matter of fact the first thing he said was, oh this doesn't need to be this tight...now I had never touched it from when they put it on after the surgery so I had no idea...he actually took it off to examine the work and it was like a magical fairy had come by! I felt instantly better! that and I had had some coffee that they brew there that is some AWESOME stuff...it was some sort of a vanilla/hazelnut blend...major yum
so after all of that excitement we drive back up to raleigh (surgery was in charlotte) and I'm home again...I was happy to see lil man again :) Susan did an awesome job looking after him and she said he behaved for her but that he missed me...awwww...Wed was pretty much uneventful and I took my meds and went to bed....Thurs was much the same...
Friday rolls around and mom goes to work and goes home this time...it was nice to have her here but it was also nice to get back to being here on my own...but that night I had some major issues...not really pain but more like discomfort....my back hurt, my right side hurt (that's the side that had the lift), and it was like the implants had turned into two bowling balls full of pain (and weight!)....I was miserable! so on Fri and Sat I found myself walking around the apt wondering what the hell I had just done to myself...I'm thinking, well genius, you wanted it, now you got it!
Sunday was much better...things were settling down a little bit and I was starting to not use any pain meds...soon I switched from the pain meds completely to just taking some tylenol pm at night...getting off the pain meds proved to be the best thing for me mentally b/c it was really screwing with my head....
Tuesday I took this:
cute bra, huh? ;) tape was still on but so much of the swelling had subsided by this point....still had some sloshing though...and OMG my right one sloshed a little bit and sounded like a duck! no really! my boob QUACKED! HAHAHAHAHA
now Tues I ventured out for the first time and man was it a learning experience...for one thing, shifting gears is quite an undertaking when your right side is still having some tugging and small soreness....more on that later....who knew steering the car would involve so much pec recruitment! same with washing my hands, brushing my teeth, and opening pill bottles...I definitely use my pecs for a lot!
Wednesday I went back for another post-op visit...driving down there was interesting in that I realized just how bumpy our roads are...yeah 'bout that...I get down there, get my tape removed, instructions for the next two weeks, make my next appointment, and get in the car to leave...where I have to put my car into reverse for the first time...that hurt like a bitch....I might as well have just been doing a bench press move with a dumbbell....not smart....so I met mom at the mebane outlets since we'd both be passing them on the way to our respective homes and I tried on some sports bras....still some difficulty doing overhead shirts/bras so that was a little exhausting but I was ok....then I went to another store....I was walking around and all of a sudden I had the worst shooting pain on my right side....so bad that I gave mom what I had in my hand to put up for me and went outside to sit down...every breath I took it felt worse until finally it started to fade and then eventually stopped...my guess was that reverse and then the trying on tops was just too much for the side with the extra work and it decided to let me know...
so far the two days after that have been just fine...they still feel foreign...what is this weight on my chest? oh, right, boobs! I've had moments where I literally felt like I could feel the pockets being made while I sat in the chair...not comfortable that's for sure...all in all this has been unlike anything I have ever experienced...and to be honest, I'm not sure what I was expecting...I do know that I do not play helpless well so this no lifting over 10lbs needs to go and go fast! it's annoying....and I find that I do things now like squat down to pick something up instead of just bending over...why? b/c when I bend over I feel like they're going to fall off....hahahaha...well, I do!
I will be going back to work soon and that has me nervous...having a mostly physical job is going to be a strange transition b/c there are still quite a few things I can't do yet...which will drive me up the wall b/c when I go to work I do not go to be lazy or to have others do the work for me...but I know if I want to continue to heal properly I'll have to suck it up for a couple of more weeks....
on a funnier note, I can't stop looking at them! every time I go by a mirror in my apt I have to look at them...like I can't believe they're actually here....I had my first consultation in 2003...been wanting them since I was 14 (which was definitely not 2003)...and now here I actually am with them! I simply cannot believe it has actually happened...and even though I wake up with them every morning and go to sleep with them every night I still cannot believe the reality...while the experience has been unlike anything I had imagined I would do it all again in a second....
well, with it now past 11:30pm you could really make a case for it being 12 days....but I think that's just splitting hairs ;)
so what are my current thoughts? let's start with the number one question I have been asked over the past week:
are you excited???
answer: well, not really!
why? my coworker Steph C put it best when she said, it's something you've waited so long for that it doesn't seem real yet....all I could say was YES!!!! that's exactly it!
just b/c I'm not excited right now does not mean I'm actually not excited...it simply means the reality of it has not totally sunk in yet...I had my first consult eight years ago and I've been trying to make this happen ever since....when you want something like that for so long you have a tendency to not see it as reality even though you know it's literally around the corner....and at this point I'm convinced I will not see it as reality until I'm literally about it be put under....
the second most asked question would definitely be:
are you nervous?
no...now, part of this is b/c I know any nervousness at this point would be wasted energy....it's going to happen, but not for another 12 days....I have my room booked, I have my mom and best friend lined up to help me out those first few days....a very kind coworker is going to look after lil man the day of....so what's to worry about at this point? now, have I had a couple of moments? oh yeah! but I feel like it wouldn't be "normal" if I didn't...I have had those moments of, what if this is a mistake? what if something goes wrong? what if I don't like it? what if they look worse? all of which I think are valid questions....but nothing I can answer just yet...and nothing I can really address until it's a problem....if it's even a problem at all....
now coworker response has been funny....obviously people are curious....I would be, too....funny how it always seems to be me who is the one on an outback staff who is going through a transformation for the whole staff to witness....granted, that was usually in the form of competing and that look was always fleeting....this is, um, a little more drastic....and lasting....hehehehe....the guys, well, they're guys! they are most definitely looking forward to this....a lot of the females have actually been supportive and ultra curious....I think the support is partly b/c they know this is something I've been working hard towards and have always had a great issue with...they know I am really looking at gaining a sense of normalcy with them and not to gain a role in a porn movie....ok that was a slightly overinflated description but you get what I'm saying...now is there some trash talking about it? oh I bet there is....but who gives a fuck! it's my chest, deal with it...and if I have my way about it I'll be able to phase myself out of there this next year as I aim towards my goals of training people and designing diets plans....who knows, maybe I'll get to move, too...I mean MOVE....away....A-WAY....I mean, born and raised NC....love this state but um, I think it's time I got out to see what else is out there....I can always come back :)
changes they are upon us....and I don't mean the little changes I make only to see fall by the wayside due to bad habits or fucked up brain chemistry....or just me fucking up (hey Jeanette, are you keeping count of my fuck's?) ;)
this is a biggie....one approx 20yrs in the making....
let's backtrack to me as a 14yr old freshman in high school....awkward? sure....who wasn't at that age to some degree....but I was feeling a little optimistic b/c I was starting over in a new school after what can only be described as the worst three years of my life in middle school....constantly teased, called fat, had pranks pulled on, etc....so much torment at school that, combined with new and forever fluctuating hormones of puberty, I got a taste of what I had to come in my now adult life in dealing with depression....it got so bad that at the ripe old age of 13, I had decided I had had enough and tried to end everything....imagine being a parent and having to take your middle schooler to the hospital for a suicide attempt....
but now here I was in a new school, new people to meet, new teachers, and the trek towards academia that would decide where I wanted to go to college....uh, yeah, no pressure! hahahaha...but in these four years I found out more of what I liked, what I was good at, what I was bad at, and that I could dance! took my first classes, became a part of the inaugural dance team, competed in tennis and softball, and was a wrestling manager all four years, including my junior year when we won our high school's first ever state championship in ANY sport....yes, that's right, I was a wrestling manager....see? I always said I had wanted to be Bobby Heenan ;)
well from a physical standpoint, not much had changed....I had gotten a little taller but that was about it....still had huge hips and a big ass....and lopsided boobs....now, I'm sure many women who would read this would go, oh well most women's boobs aren't even! so what! well, it bothered me....A LOT....having two different cup sizes really was not cool....then add to it as I grew up and went through school they didn't change....mom always kinda poo-pooed my self-consciousness about it saying, you'll grow into them, they'll fix themselves, you're not done growing yet, who cares they're just boobs....
well, I cared....
and when my lady doc even told me it wasn't just me that, I did indeed, have breasts that resembled a woman in her 30s/40s who had had a couple of kids and breast fed them, well, that kind of sealed the deal...
so since the age of 14, I have wanted a breast augmentation/reconstruction....now, I know what you're thinking....I'm vain
duh
but I also have never felt "normal"....think about it....how fair is it to be a growing teenager, then young adult, and now young 30s, to have a set that have 1) never matched, and 2) never been perky....some of those perks (all the pun in the world intended!) of being young I never got to have! boooooooooo! well, now as a full fledged consenting adult I am going to change that....
so yesterday I had what was my third consultation with what will soon be my surgeon....now, one plus to this having taken so long is that procedures have come a long ways! including something he learned from a Brazilian doctor that he is now using with rave reviews....had I been able to make this work even just three years ago I wouldn't be able to have this done....
the reality of something being a dream of mine actually taking place has not really hit me yet....even though I've made the appointment....even though I've made a down payment....even though I went on my scheduling for work at put the time off in....none of it seems real....
until I counted the days....THEN it all seemed to be a little more realistic....still not 100% sunk in yet....
I do fully intend on making some videos leading up to it and after the fact....as with either of my blogs I like to put myself out there in an attempt to help others....don't expect nudity....hehehehehe sorry! :-p
so when I titled this blog Reconstructing Diva I meant it very literally!
so what started off as a total stressfest ended on a great note....what was looking to be a busted trip was saved by an angel....and very strong angel! :) but now I feel like I have something to look forward to for next week....hoo-ray!
meal 1: shake-today it was coffee, choc protein scoop, 2tsp unswt dark choc powder
meal 2: 5oz turkey (95%), 2c broc
meal 3: 17 white shrimp, 5 egg whites
meal 4: 4.5oz chicken, asparagus
meal 5: 5oz of the cutest ribeye I've ever seen!
home from work....today was better....interesting moment as I tried to leave for work....my key got stuck in the door....no really....hehehe I tried to take the key out and it wouldn't work so I had to call up the apt people and fortunately there were people there b/c the last thing I wanted to do was leave my key in the door! so they page someone, he comes over and successfully breaks the key off in the lock....opps....good job....fortunately for me I don't live far from work so they replaced the lock and brought me the new key....only downside was while waiting I had almost no shade to stand in and the mosquitos were about to eat me alive....I can't stand those dang things! so I was all nice and clean but then turned into sweaty and itchy....um, ick
I won a spin dvd on ebay last week and it came today so I am curious to try it out....one downfall? I can press pause....can't do that in a live class! ;)
meal 1: shake (see day 1 for contents)
meal 2: 5oz ground turkey (93%), 2c broc/cauli mix
meal 3: 3.5oz chk, 8 shrimp, romaine lettuce, walnuts, 1 oz feta cheese
so I didn't realize until just now that I missed a meal....guess all that key business screwed me up....but that last meal was SOOO yummy and filling that I'm not too terribly worried about it...
well, what can I say about today....mood sucked! :-/ I really don't understand these fluctuations other than to blame hormones and something either not uptaking or taking too much (think serotonin, et al, here)....I at one point today thought I was going to start crying...which, except for those aspca commercial with the poor animals, has not happened in a while....contrast that to yesterday when I was pretty jazzed to be back on diet again and feeling more in control....as I'm typing this I feel totally indifferent....not up, not down....so uh, yeah, I probably need meds :D hahahaha....but I have no insurance so that will wait!
before I post food, I do want to say keep a friend of mine in your thoughts as she tries to escape London! hopefully she'll face no delays and will make it out of there safely....the riots had moved to about 10min from where she was staying....scary stuff....
and for some odd reason the cat has taken to closing the bathroom door when using the litterbox....now I'm totally convinced he's human ;)
meal 1: shake (same as meal 1 yesterday)
meal 2: 5oz chicken, zucchini
meal 3: 5oz ground turkey (93%), okra
meal 4: shake (same as meal 1 except with vanilla)
meal 5: unsure-with either be 5oz chicken & asparagus or 10 egg whites and green peppers....let's see what mood strikes me
well here we are...back to the starting point again....not sure what to tell you other than this last week was a fuck disaster! oy-geez I let my hormones and all that totally get the best of me....so today I started over....I'm determined to make this head-to-toe overhaul stick this time....leading up to last week I was not so bad....didn't really care for the carbs back in the diet even though they were healthy carbs (like sweet potato, steel cut oats)....I just really enjoy my protein and veggies :) so today here's how the diet looked:
meal 1: shake (1 scoop protein, 1tbsp ff pudding mix, 8oz unswt almond milk)
meal 2: 21 white shrimp, 4 egg whites, 1 whole egg
meal 3: 5oz chicken
meal 4: shake from meal 1 plus 1tbsp natty pb
meal 5: 5oz chicken, zucchini (if I don't fall asleep!)
simple but effective....my troubles have come at night after work....I slid back into that all too familiar binge/purge cycle....trust me, I'm not proud about it....but I can't dweel on it....I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on....
so here we go....again....
