changes they are upon us....and I don't mean the little changes I make only to see fall by the wayside due to bad habits or fucked up brain chemistry....or just me fucking up (hey Jeanette, are you keeping count of my fuck's?) ;)
this is a biggie....one approx 20yrs in the making....
let's backtrack to me as a 14yr old freshman in high school....awkward? sure....who wasn't at that age to some degree....but I was feeling a little optimistic b/c I was starting over in a new school after what can only be described as the worst three years of my life in middle school....constantly teased, called fat, had pranks pulled on, etc....so much torment at school that, combined with new and forever fluctuating hormones of puberty, I got a taste of what I had to come in my now adult life in dealing with depression....it got so bad that at the ripe old age of 13, I had decided I had had enough and tried to end everything....imagine being a parent and having to take your middle schooler to the hospital for a suicide attempt....
but now here I was in a new school, new people to meet, new teachers, and the trek towards academia that would decide where I wanted to go to college....uh, yeah, no pressure! hahahaha...but in these four years I found out more of what I liked, what I was good at, what I was bad at, and that I could dance! took my first classes, became a part of the inaugural dance team, competed in tennis and softball, and was a wrestling manager all four years, including my junior year when we won our high school's first ever state championship in ANY sport....yes, that's right, I was a wrestling manager....see? I always said I had wanted to be Bobby Heenan ;)
well from a physical standpoint, not much had changed....I had gotten a little taller but that was about it....still had huge hips and a big ass....and lopsided boobs....now, I'm sure many women who would read this would go, oh well most women's boobs aren't even! so what! well, it bothered me....A LOT....having two different cup sizes really was not cool....then add to it as I grew up and went through school they didn't change....mom always kinda poo-pooed my self-consciousness about it saying, you'll grow into them, they'll fix themselves, you're not done growing yet, who cares they're just boobs....
well, I cared....
and when my lady doc even told me it wasn't just me that, I did indeed, have breasts that resembled a woman in her 30s/40s who had had a couple of kids and breast fed them, well, that kind of sealed the deal...
so since the age of 14, I have wanted a breast augmentation/reconstruction....now, I know what you're thinking....I'm vain
duh
but I also have never felt "normal"....think about it....how fair is it to be a growing teenager, then young adult, and now young 30s, to have a set that have 1) never matched, and 2) never been perky....some of those perks (all the pun in the world intended!) of being young I never got to have! boooooooooo! well, now as a full fledged consenting adult I am going to change that....
so yesterday I had what was my third consultation with what will soon be my surgeon....now, one plus to this having taken so long is that procedures have come a long ways! including something he learned from a Brazilian doctor that he is now using with rave reviews....had I been able to make this work even just three years ago I wouldn't be able to have this done....
the reality of something being a dream of mine actually taking place has not really hit me yet....even though I've made the appointment....even though I've made a down payment....even though I went on my scheduling for work at put the time off in....none of it seems real....
until I counted the days....THEN it all seemed to be a little more realistic....still not 100% sunk in yet....
I do fully intend on making some videos leading up to it and after the fact....as with either of my blogs I like to put myself out there in an attempt to help others....don't expect nudity....hehehehehe sorry! :-p
so when I titled this blog Reconstructing Diva I meant it very literally!
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